Rooted in REAL: Culturally Responsive Practice – Thursday Edition

He Walked His Siblings to School Before He Ever Walked Into Mine

The REAL Story

There was a student I'll call Marcus. Marcus walked into my classroom every single day like he had already decided the day was going to be terrible. Hood up, zero eye contact, and a beeline straight to the nearest desk so he could put his head down and go to sleep. He was close to six feet tall in 8th grade, so when he folded himself into that chair and checked out, you felt it in the room. And most days, the only thing he said to me was that he was hungry.

So I fed him. Whether I stopped on the way to school or made extra at home that morning, I made sure Marcus had breakfast. That was non-negotiable for me. I was going to feed that child.

What I found out later was that Marcus was the oldest of three kids. Every morning before he ever walked into my building, he had already made sure his younger siblings ate, gotten them dressed, and walked them to school. By the time he got to me first period, he had already put in a full shift. Which also meant he was late every single day. And underneath that hood was a kid who was exhausted before the bell even rang.

He was failing all of his classes that year. When the counselor pulled him in to talk about his grades, she asked him if there was any class he actually liked. He told her he hated all of them, but that he loved Ms. Smith. She came straight to me after that conversation and said that even though he was failing across the board, she had something to work with because he felt the strongest connection with me. That hit differently than I expected it to.

Years later, I was out getting Mexican food with a coworker downtown in my city, close to where alot of students live, and I heard my name screamed from across the street. I looked up and there was Marcus, towering over me now, looking every bit like a grown man. The first thing he said was, "Ms. Smith, remember you used to bring me breakfast every day?" I told him of course I did. He said, "Ms. Smith, you were clutch for that."

Marcus failed my class that year. I stayed on him every single day and never let up, and he did get better, just not enough to pass. And I will be honest, there was a part of me that felt like I had lost the war because of that.

But the longer I sit with it, the more I believe that what Marcus needed most that year was not for me to get the math into him. What he needed was for me to not take his behavior personally long enough to actually show up for him as a person. The breakfast mattered more than the lesson plan. The consistency mattered more than the grade. And the fact that he tracked me down across a parking lot years later just to tell me, tells me everything I need to know.

💡3 things that change when you stop taking behavior personally

1️⃣ You stop reacting and start responding. There is a real difference between the two. Reacting is immediate, emotional, and almost always makes things worse. Responding means you have taken that half second to ask yourself what is actually happening here before you open your mouth. When you stop being offended, you get strategic. And strategic teachers are the ones who actually move the needle with the students nobody else can reach.

2️⃣ You start reading behavior like information instead of an attack. Every behavior is communicating something. Avoidance says something. Aggression says something. The student who shuts down every time you introduce something new is telling you something. When you are not busy being hurt or annoyed, you can actually hear what they are saying without words. That is a skill, and it changes the entire dynamic of how you approach a student.

3️⃣ You become someone students can actually trust. Students who have been let down by adults are watching you to see if you are going to make it about you. When they push and you do not take the bait, when you stay steady and do not get pulled out of your character, they notice. A predictable, emotionally consistent adult is sometimes the rarest thing in a student's world. That is not a small thing. That is everything.

Close

You are going to have a day this week where a student does something that feels directed at you. And maybe it will sting a little or even run you hot immediately. And that is human. But before you respond, take a beat, and ask yourself what this kid is already carrying before they ever walk through your door. Now that doesn't mean you don't hold them accountable and address the behavior, but wait until the emotion is gone so you can be intentional and strategic instead of emotional and impulsive.

Marcus was feeding his siblings and walking them to school before he ever sat down in my first period math class. I did not know that right away. But once I did, I could not unsee it, and I never looked at his behavior the same way again.

The breakfast I provided was a small thing. But for a student who had already given everything he had before he ever walked through my classroom door, somebody giving something back was the whole thing.

Marcus never forgot it. And neither will I.

New and Early Career Math Teachers in Urban Classrooms

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded how rarely teachers are given space to slow their thinking down and talk through the work without being handed another strategy. Because of that, I opened a free, private LinkedIn group for new and early-career teachers navigating urban classrooms.

This is not coaching or PD. It’s a reflection space — a place to talk through what you’re implementing, hear how other teachers are thinking, and not feel alone in the work.

You can request access here:
​https://www.linkedin.com/groups/16349025/​
​(Manual approval is on to protect the space.)

Tiffany Smith, Ed. D., Culturally Responsive Math Specialist

Founder, Education Evolution, LLC | Creator, The REAL Framework™ | Creator of Mind the Gap Curriculum™

Know someone who’d find this helpful? Forward this email to a colleague or friend who’s passionate about creating real change in the math classroom.

Or tell them to sign up with this link: https://education-evolution.kit.com/a3118d8126