Rooted in REAL: Culturally Responsive Practice – Thursday Edition
I Was Building a Case to Get Her Expelled. Then Life Happened.
The REAL Story
One of the memories I have of one of my worst students turned favorite is a student I will call “Tiffany” for confidentiality reasons. She was barely 90 pounds soaking wet and gave me hell every single day. And to be completely transparent, I am sure this was God’s “reap what you sow” edition, as I was a hellion myself in high school. And my high school principal at that time is a subscriber, so he can attest to that! 😂
Anyhoo, Tiffany was a handful to say the least. She brought ALL the heat every single day. And when I say ALL, I mean ALL. She would talk loudly and laugh while I was teaching and dare me to say anything. And when I did, it was a back-and-forth exchange that did nothing but disrupt class, frustrate me, irritate half the class, while entertaining the other half. She would purposely come late to the math classroom and stare me down on the way in to let me know she was late and present. Every time I would tell her she was late, I would remind her that after 3, she would get a write-up. And every time she would respond with, “If you ain’t got no haters, you ain’t popping!”
I remember one day, she was hanging out in the hallway, having the time of her life, and of course, she was supposed to be in math. I walked out in the hallway, and I told her to “get to class now”. She ignored me and kept socializing. So I moved closer to her and told her to go to class. She turned around to me and said, “You walking up on me like we in the streets. You might not want to do that because I am liable to swing.” 🙄 (I started thinking this might be the school year I end up with a criminal charge, in the unemployment line, or maybe both!)
Finally, around the halfway mark of the first marking period, I decided I couldn’t stand Tiffany. And I was going to document every little thing to get her out of my class and out of the school if I were lucky. I was going to consistently hold her accountable every time she was disrespectful. I was no longer going to ignore the small things and wait for the big blowup; hell, I decided, I was going to be the blowup!
I followed through with my plan, watching her every move and holding her accountable every chance I got. And about 2 weeks into my “Get Tiffany Out of Here" Plan, she disappeared. She missed an entire week of school, and immediately, I knew something was up. I called her home and left a message, but no one ever returned my phone call. I went to talk to the Dean, the counselor and another teacher who knew her, and they stated she had a serious personal situation happen at home that affected the entire family. That same weekend, there were festivities downtown in my city, which included a parade, and I attended it. Guess who was there? Tiffany. Knowing a little about her situation, I walked up to her and told her I missed her in class. (I in fact DID NOT MISS HER, but I needed to say something to let her know I was concerned.)
Visibly irritated that I even came up to her, she stared at me, responded with a few muffled words that I could barely make out, and walked away with her friends.
The next week she returned to school. And though she tried to start back up with the same stuff, but when I held her accountable, she was less combative. And every week, she became less and less combative, began to listen to my directives, and began to talk to me with respect. Anytime there were issues around the school involving her, teachers came to me for support because they knew I could reach her.
By the second marking period, we had finally turned a corner. She began sharing more about her personal life, little by little. The more she opened up, the more I understood her, and the more intentional I became about holding her accountable while making it clear I wanted the best for her. She finally accepted it. And just like that, I became her person.
💡3 moves you can make to help turn your worst student into your favorite (or at least a better student 😂)
1️⃣ Try to get to know your student beyond the classroom.
There is a way you can do that without getting too personal. In education, they are constantly saying there is always a purpose or reason behind the behavior. And the majority of the time, that's true. Knowing the why behind behavior is definitely a huge help. Now listen to me carefully. Knowing the reason doesn’t excuse the behavior in any shape or form. But the more you know and understand the student, the more equipped you are to deal with them and can come up with an actual solution to address the root of the problem. Instead of just trying to fix the symptoms.
2️⃣ Understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy is huge!
You can empathize with a student but still hold them accountable. Most of the time, these students deal with inconsistency, lack of routine, and instability at home, and this is even more reason why you must have clear, consistent routines and hold them accountable when they cross the line. It’s so important you draw the line and then hold it, as then you bring predictability to the classroom; they may not get anywhere else. And when students know the expectations and can predict your next move because it’s not emotional but a part of the system you have implemented, they appreciate that you don’t operate off emotion. A predictable classroom builds trust, and when there is trust in the classroom, learning can take place.
3️⃣ Students get a kick out of riling you up.
If they can make you visibly mad, get you out of character, and entertain the class while scoring some cool points with their peers, they are going to do it every.single.time. I think back on that year and realize a lot of my responses and my impulsivity during those confrontational moments were at times out of line, in the fact that sometimes I responded in the same blatantly rude manner that was at times borderline unprofessional. Now this was the beginning of my teaching career, and this situation did work itself out beautifully, but that doesn’t mean it was right.
I have matured in my career, and now my responses are way more scripted in the sense that they are a part of a bigger system and way less emotional because I truly understand most of the behaviors aren't personal. They are irritating, frustrating and draining but rarely personal. So when you feel that impulsive rage starting to rise, take a beat. That single moment of control can be the difference between handling the situation and dealing with consequences you can’t undo.
Close
Tiffany is now 25 years old! She still keeps in contact with me often, reaching out to me for my birthday or just to tell me thank you. A bond that was built in 8th grade and started off on some super rocky ground.
You probably have a Tiffany right now. You know exactly who came to mind as you read this. The question is not whether they are worth it. The question is whether you are going to decide that before or after you find out what they are carrying.
Some of the relationships that shape you most as a teacher start as the ones you almost walked away from. Tiffany reminded me of that. And she still does.
New and Early Career Math Teachers in Urban Classrooms
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded how rarely teachers are given space to slow their thinking down and talk through the work without being handed another strategy. Because of that, I opened a free, private LinkedIn group for new and early-career teachers navigating urban classrooms.
This is not coaching or PD. It’s a reflection space — a place to talk through what you’re implementing, hear how other teachers are thinking, and not feel alone in the work.
You can request access here:
https://www.linkedin.com/groups/16349025/
(Manual approval is on to protect the space.)
Tiffany Smith, Ed. D., Culturally Responsive Math Specialist
Founder, Education Evolution, LLC | Creator, The REAL Framework™ | Creator of Mind the Gap Curriculum™
Know someone who’d find this helpful? Forward this email to a colleague or friend who’s passionate about creating real change in the math classroom.
Or tell them to sign up with this link: https://education-evolution.kit.com/a3118d8126
